When was the last time you viewed life with the innocence of a child? Have you buried your dreams by living someone else’s life? Are you constantly entertaining endless circles of thought, describing in great detail why you don’t or can’t have the life you want? Or, maybe you are telling the story ‘I would have, but’…
Do you even know what is truly important to you anymore…. lost your innocence perhaps? Ahhh, the good news… You can rediscover that which is inherently who you are, but you need to be honest with yourself, and look within. Where have you have been deceiving your own heart and soul? Are you ready to live your life once again through the ‘Eyes of a Child’? You are deserving of the life you want, of that I am sure.
As the mother of three grown children, I have struggled to once again find my innocence and remember who I really am. Nothing is more important to me than my family. I imagine it will always be that way with one very big difference. Now, I live my life and parent (they will always be my ‘kids’ no matter how old they get) in a more conscious and self-respectful way because I have fallen in love with me, maybe for the first time. It has been a lifetime of living for everyone else, and their approval.
I now recognize just how deep and destructive conditioned behaviors affect the quality of life. Your relationship with yourself cannot be compromised without unhappy consequences. All your relationships stem from your relationship with yourself – no exceptions.
Losing Our True Self
How do we lose ourselves? I have a story to share with you that may help to illuminate just one small way how we adopt the lie that our feelings and needs don’t matter, and judge ourselves as less than or unimportant.
I was walking on the beach several months ago, which I often get to do living in Southern California. It was such a lovely day with the sun shining so brightly it was if there were diamonds glimmering across the water. Not a cloud in the sky… you know the day.
Many children and parents were playing on the beach with much laughter and love. The children engaged in such a way where you could feel the energy of their true essence. I got so much enjoyment out of hearing the excitement and joy in their voices as they got to fully express themselves in such a pure and naturally unconditioned way. Hopefully, you too can remember that inexhaustible place of sheer play and joy.
You were there once… being in the moment, allowing full expression, embracing life as an adventure without self judgement, shame or consideration of what others may think.
As I was walking, I observed an uncomfortable scene with a dad and his daughter, which struck a painful chord inside of me. What made it uncomfortable is that I recognized deeply my own hurt little girl. I felt angry and sad, but also grateful for the opportunity to acknowledge the emotional fragmentation inside of me.
It was getting cold as the sunset approached on a winter day. The weather in Southern California drops rapidly even when warm during the day. The ocean temperature was still very cold with many people wearing wetsuits to stay warm while surfing and swimming.
I noticed there was a dad throwing cold water on a nude little girl while she was crying, and she appeared to be beside herself upset. It was not the act of cleaning off the sand with cold water that really hit a chord in me, although I was freezing just looking at her – it was what he said to her.
As she was crying he continued to throw cold water on her and said: “oh, it’s not that bad.” Her feelings, her perspective of what she thought acceptable, were dismissed by the person she loved and trusted most in the whole world. The dad, without conscious awareness, negated her experience and made her wrong.
She was learning to develop her own unique expression and style of communicating her needs, but for how much longer could she continue to express herself authentically, and be capable of recognizing the truth of who she is?
What happens is our essential self erodes over time. We become a conditioned version of what we have been told to feel in order to feel validated and loved. Could her father have communicated in a way that allowed her to be herself and reassure her that it is okay to feel the way she does? As a seasoned parent, I know this is possible, but we must consciously recognize when we are speaking from our own conditioning.
As parents, we cannot betray or subvert the sacredness of our children’s desire to operate through their own guidance system and power.
I certainly don’t mean to make the dad out to be a terrible father. We all run our conditioned programs without even being aware of it. My hope is that we will retrain ourselves to communicate in ways that are supportive and loving, especially to our children who depend upon us to keep them safe and secure.
How do we do that? By holding their hearts with compassion and wisdom through the words we speak, validating and supporting their personal empowerment and authenticity.
Without that we are all lost. With it, we are safe, and home – in the heart.
If you would like to learn more visit www.robinjillian.com. I also offer one on one coaching sessions as you encounter many of life’s challenges, including business, personal development, and relationships. Your soul is calling you to ‘wake up’ to who you truly are. Listen. In love, Robin Jillian.