I guess you can probably say my interest in psychedelics stems from childhood. I was always attracted to a different side of life from way before I could remember. To this day I still feel such a natural sensitivity to my life, my surroundings, the Earth, the Universe, and beyond. Along with all of the beautiful feelings came and comes a lot of natural darkness and negative emotion. I’m not really sure if you’d say that’s a bad thing or just very well balanced, but either way, psychedelics have completely straightened out my mind and have helped me be able to control and understand the types of emotional anxiety I have experienced since I was a child.
I would consider myself a very spiritual child. I went to Catholic School from 1st to 8th grade, and naturally I always felt an attraction to ‘God’ but not to the religion I was being taught. I would pray and commune to the stars I saw through my window while lying in bed. I have always felt something close right next to me going along for my ride this entire time, and when I take a psychedelic, that invisible being always comes out to commune back with me sort of like a magic genie of the universe.
When I was 16, I took an eighth of mushrooms in the forest with a few friends and that was the first time the genie ever truly came to light.
On that day everything I ever prayed about and talked about with this God, the universe, this genie, whatever you prefer to hear it as; I felt everything I ever said to it was all being recorded the whole time, and I was getting 16 years of answers and replies back from God. It was like finally logging into this spiritual e-mail account and having a million letters directly from God waiting for you. I think that’s where the overwhelming and bad trip part of it all could come out because you have no idea what to expect or what you’re going to hear back or see, but I think it’s something a lot of people out there need to experience in a safe environment.
Ten years after that mushroom trip, I am still feeling the same love that I was given from ‘God’ on that day. When you finally experience this wholeness within yourself, you don’t have to keep wishing for true love anymore because you know the genie is always with you no matter what state of mind you are in.
I later had very wonderful experiences with LSD, and especially with DMT which puts your mind directly inside the genie’s lamp. If you feel you are truly ready for an infinitely powerful trip (good or bad), be in a safe environment with trusting people. These are not party or social drugs to me, but personal sacraments that take me to the source of everything that we all come from.
Disclaimer: Psychedelics have not completely cured me of depression, anxiety, or feeling like the weirdo black sheep of the world all the time. But they have 100% helped me cope better with these personal problems and help me feel a lot more normal about myself psychologically than a lot of the more confused, conflicted, and sad individuals in the ‘society’ that we live in. I am truly at peace in my head when it comes to the real things that matter in life, not being distracted by wars, politics, television, and the media — and, better yet, just being a good, peaceful person, doing my best to help provide a better future for the world.