I, like most people, grew up thinking that everything that made me feel uncomfortable or different was something to be repressed and buried deep down inside. I went through adolescence a generally happy and normal person. I did well in school, had friends, was in a band, didn’t do drugs, drank only a little, and had a loving home.
In adulthood I began to be overcome by bouts of what I can only imagine is depression. My mood would change and I would become very difficult to approach or communicate with. At first I didn’t realize it and was always wondering why people would ask me if I was ok. Eventually it led to me being a poor husband and the separation of my wife and I at 26. During the two years of separation I did a lot of things including trying to drown my feelings, or numb my feelings with the embrace of others.
Finally at 27, for the first time in my life, I smoked marijuana. It was good! None of the bad things people try to scare you with happened to me and I was left with a generally ‘good’ feeling. This changed my view on a lot of things that I had written off as bad, per the general consensus.
Fast forward a year, my wife and I are back together and I have taken a job that puts me on the road a lot. I filled all the time on the road with podcasts. Eventually I wound up on the Joe Rogan Experience. I can’t tell you which guest it was that finally pushed me over the top, but I decided that I wanted to try psilocybin (psychedelic compound in “magic mushrooms”). I am a paranoid person though, so if I was going to try it, I was going to be the one that produced it.
At 28 year old I approached my wife and declared, “I want to grow mushrooms in the basement.” Much to my shock she simply said, “ok”
A little over 90 days later, just after new years 2014, I did my first mushrooms. No small amount either at a little over 5 grams. I ate them on the perfect night, sitting outside by the fire pit with brisk air and a clear sky. I had mild hallucinations and saw some cool colors and shapes but I didn’t go on any magic journeys that night, but I remember getting such a feeling of euphoria. No, euphoria is the wrong word. Such a feeling of warm happiness that lasted for months! Weeks after consumption I had people telling me that I seemed happier and was generally pleasant. Not that anyone said the opposite before, but no one had ever taken the time to tell me how pleasant I was before in my life. I found myself happy and feeling confident. I was always afraid to fail, but now I was willing to try anything. I found hobbies, something I hadn’t done in years. I found joy in my work, I even found my relationship with my wife improved as a lot of my walls had not yet come down, but had indeed developed peep holes. It’s like it lifted a fog that kept me from seeing and doing what I really wanted to do.
I will grow again, and I will medicate again. I don’t know that everyone needs it, but it VASTLY improved my quality of life. At 29 I have just begun to scratch the surface and intend on exploring many more of the gifts that the earth has to offer us. If one simple mushroom could have such an impact on my life I feel so horrible for the people that are too afraid to try anything that might make them actually like themselves.