From Adrian Snary:
One by one we made our way to the small shrine where the shaman knelt to offer us our cup of Ayahuasca. This was the first cup of an optional three. I walked up and knelt down on the other side of the shrine and was notified earlier to tell him that it was my first Ayahuasca experience. He looked at me, nodded at me and passed me the small wooden cup. Instead of the bitter taste that I was expecting a medicinal taste constituted this brew that was made in South America by a well known shaman.
I sat back down in the small area allocated to me next to Sam on my left and one of the healers Jenny on my right. I began meditating and after the final person had received their cup of Ayahuasca the shaman started singing the Icaros (medicine songs) to open the ceremony. After about 30 – 45 mins of meditating I started to feel a pain in my stomach and during this time some around me had started to cry and some had started to purge (vomit).
With my eyes closed I began to see colourful geometric patterns and visuals of flowers opening up. This made me laugh with a pure joy. I saw the silhouette of an old man’s face. I was then moving through a tunnel that was like a bob sled tunnel but instead of the walls being white they were the same coloured geometric patterns that I had been seeing, swirling around on the walls as I raced through this tunnel.
These walls then melded into an entity that was ‘swimming’ towards my heart to interface with me. It had a shoe box size and shape head, on a portrait orientation, and around 20 tentacles at the front of it that were around 150mm long and 40mm in diameter. These tentacles were moving around like squid tentacles. From the back of this rectangular head flowed a rainbow coloured tail that seemed to stretch out for eternity. I didn’t understand or comprehend what was going on at first. I positioned myself into ‘child’s pose’and the shaman started singing his first English song. By this time I was having trouble making sense of my surroundings. I then thought to myself. ‘Did he just sing the words I thought he sang?’ When the song came back around to the chorus those words had turned out to be. ‘Nothing is said, nothing is heard, when the heart is dancing with the Mother.’ I knew then that this entity with the box shaped head with tentacles and long rainbow tail was the Rainbow Serpent, otherwise known as Mother Ayahuasca and she had come to be with me.
At this time I completely let go, let go of all ego, and let her do what she needed to do. I wrapped around into her tail and she wrapped around into me. We became one. Soon the second cup was offered but I cannot remember what occurred to that point.
I went up to receive my second cup. A few had decided to stick with one cup. I came to sit back down and tucked my legs up, rested my forehead on my knees and closed my eyes. Within moments my body went numb and I again lost all cognitive awareness of my surroundings. I could then see the rainbow coloured serpent entangling itself around my heart but it was as if I was looking at it close up, as though I was in my own chest cavity. I found immense joy and love as she was doing this. At this time the rainbow serpent was also slightly pixelated. My viewpoint then came back to my normal field of vision and as I looked down at my body my chest opened up like a mouth or flower about the size of a saucer plate, this continued fractally, one mouth after another down to my groin and then ALL OF ME was thrust out into the Universe.
I was brought to a realm of bright white/gold light that was nothing but pure love and happiness. I arrived to a man who looked like Christ. He was smiling at me. But then I realised it wasn’t Christ, it was a construct of my higher consciousness – my higher self, the collective consciousness – and it was nothing but love, unconditional love. I believe now that I was in the Christ consciousness realm or it can also be called the collective consciousness or Krishna consciousness. The ‘Christ’ figure in front of me was the representation of this, what I had been conditioned to understand Christ consciousness to be. This was divinity, it was my divinity. I came to know that our true selves are not the human bodies we inhabit, we are not our thoughts, we are not our egos, our insecurities, our jealousy, our greed, our anger. There was no such thing as isolation and loneliness; those are just a construct of the human condition. Our true selves are energies of love. Energies that are a constant part of this Christ consciousness/collective consciousness. I remember thinking how religion had well and truly hijacked this divinity. This divinity that I now had an absolute knowing of. This understanding was the only part of the ceremony that gave me anger.
I then came to another realisation while in the Christ consciousness realm that human beings have been doing what we in this room are doing for thousands of years yet we still live in a sick society dominated by fear, war, brutality, injustice and horror. Then I realised that THIS is now the time to change things. There are no excuses with mediums like the internet at our disposal and the global community it has developed with an access to information and ability to ‘group’ like we have never seen before. We now have technology in one hand and spirituality in the form of Mother Ayahuasca (and others) in the other.
After about 15 seconds in this realm (could have been 15 minutes) I then felt the pain of many people. A deep anguish. First from people I didn’t know – then my Sister, then my Mother, then my Father – I could feel their pain and anguish. I became my Father and I could feel his pain and anguish. But then I was happy because I knew that we are all one in this collective Universe full of LOVE. I tried to purge after this but I only dry reached. I got into child’s pose and then put my – the shaman just looked over my shoulder and smiled J – head crown chakra first onto the floor and gave all that anguish back to Mother Earth/Gaia/Mother Ayahuasca. I’m not sure how I knew to do this. She took all of this anguish and she asked nothing from me, she took this anguish like a Mother wishes to take the pain from their child. As quoted by someone once before ‘Mother Earth is literally our Mother. She is our Mother and she asks nothing from us. And we are destroying her.’ We are destroying her. I knew this as a concept but now I truly knew it. I gained another understanding that this is why I’m studying Landscape Architecture, so that I can help heal her in my own way, she called out to me almost two years ago when I was sitting at my desk, in my shitty office and had what I could only describe at the time as an epiphany. I know now that it wasn’t an epiphany, it was a calling. It sounds grandiose I know but it was the truth that I was given at that time of the ceremony.
I looked over to my good friend and spiritual brother Ross and he looked back at me. I walked over to him and we both had wide smiles of pure joy on our faces. I put my right hand on his heart and he did the same. We just looked at each other laughing and both said, ‘I know.’ We both ‘just knew’ and it was an amazing feeling. We hugged and told each other we love each other and I went and sat back down.
I’ve come to sit back down after moving to write next to a candle light. I looked at the healer Jenny to my right; she was in meditation pose and looked like an angel or some mythical goddess to help us all. I could see her as an entity of our past, maybe Egyptian or a later Pagan priestess. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. She was in the meditative pose, clicking her fingers, to help heal herself so she could then go on to heal others. Which she so gracefully did. While she was meditating I could see sacred geometry all around her. I tried to send her some of my love to help heal her. And when she got up to help the person in need a few people down, my love for her came out as an overriding energy from my heart straight to her.
I couldn’t visualise in this world properly but it didn’t matter. My body was here but my mind was not, I was at one with my higher consciousness, with my higher self. And it was taking me to some amazing places. And deep within it all was LOVE.
When my eyes were open into this world I was having strong hallucinations in the dimly lit room. It looked like the typical tryptamine experience so well portrayed by the artist Alex Grey. I could see coloured eyes and reptile scales superimposed over my visuals of the room. It seemed that the normal solid structure of the people around me had become fluid.
I’m blessed to be beside Sam to my left and Jenny to my right. I was so incredibly fortunate. Their energy was tangible and beautiful. Jenny’s singing was melding beautifully into my fractal, rainbow visions. Sam was purging strongly but I was so incredibly happy for him. He is a warrior, I have no doubt.
I thought the experience had finished at this stage and I stopped writing. I was soon to realise that it was not finished at all. I was lying back on my mat and immersing myself in the environment. The shaman then started to sing the Icaros to close the ceremony. I immediately started to feel ill again and needed to purge, although again I could only dry reach. I was back down in child’s pose and I started thinking, ‘How am I supposed to put myself back together again?’ My consciousness was scattered all over the Universe and it now needed to reintegrate back with my mind and my body. I could not for the life of me figure out how that was going to happen. Also during this time I remember having lots of small epiphanies and truths, one after the other, but I cannot remember what they were. I know it’s ok though as they are in my consciousness somewhere and will flow out when I need them.
At this stage the music seemed to be telling the story of my experience occurring just a few moments earlier as if I had a narrator narrating my experience. The music was moving with my thoughts; like my thoughts were occurring then the music would change after that to suit it. As if my thoughts were affecting the music that was being played. But I couldn’t tell if it was that or if it was the music affecting my thoughts. Either way, it didn’t matter.
My next strong visual was of Mother Ayahuasca swimming off away from me. Running parallel to this I was slowly but surely literally piecing myself back together. But it would be days before I would fully reintegrate again.
What an experience. Even with people violently ill/purging around me this room remains a place of beauty for I know that they are doing what they need to do.
I CAME AND I FOUND WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR.