Personal Story: Ayahuasca Helped Me Heal After The Loss of My Twin Brother


by Ben

on May 2, 2014

I just wanted to write and say thank you for spreading the word about ayahuasca. I’ll tell you quickly what sent me on my journey.  A couple of years ago I was in a very bad accident where I was impaled on a fencepost.

I was hooked on pain pills — Oxycodone, MS contin [a time-released formulation of morphine] — for the last two years. A year ago on March 1st, my identical twin brother, best friend and soulmate took his own life with a handgun.

Since his death, I’ve been absolutely devastated. I think only an identical twin truly knows the loss I felt; I felt like a huge part of me was gone.

However, I felt a pull to Peru to do ayahuasca. It sounds crazy, but it felt like my brother was pulling me down there.  I went to [a retreat near Iquitos] and had four ceremonies.  I had many of the visions and thoughts / epiphanies similar to those described by others, but on the last night I had time with my brother.  We talked, and hugged and hugged. It was the most elation / jubilation / ecstasy — there really are no words that I’ve ever felt, and there was true healing and forgiveness not just of him but of myself.

I would have paid any price to experience what I did; the healing was incredible. I also mentioned my accident / pain meds, because after my ceremonies I stopped taking my morphine (I was hooked) and I’ve had zero withdrawal symptoms. I was taking the pills not for the pain or for the effects (they don’t work much after taking them as long as I had) but to keep from going through the withdrawals — I would feel like dying when I ran out. For whatever reason, there have been no withdrawals.

Word needs to get out about the incredible healing powers of these medicines, and I’m so glad that you are spreading the word.  It’s only been a week since I’ve been back, but I truly feel like a different person (so many epiphanies about so many facets of my life), and the grief I had for my brother, which was slowly killing me, is truly gone.