I have had depression and anxiety all my life. I had been interested in using psilocybin mushrooms as a tool for self-discovery and healing. I was inspired first about two years ago when I stumbled upon the account of a woman named Estalyn Walcoff in a video…
After a psychiatrist’s appointment where he told me, after trying several different medications, that we had outright hit a wall, and being chronically depressed to the point where I was in a living death, by a happy mistake of providence, I found myself a connection to get magic mushrooms. I had nothing to lose by taking them. The clutches of depression and neurotoxic pharmaceuticals had stolen almost my entire being.
The first time I took mushrooms I only took about two grams. I was not affected by them too much as I had been taking an SNRI and had only stopped taking it for about three days before the trip. I did experience some visuals in my head — some of them were slightly frightening. I saw things for example like horrific images one might find in a horror movie. But I was used to that because I experienced those thought patterns for a great deal of my life. The psilocybin was just exposing the unconscious corridors of my mind. I ended up surpassing that and then going into a more peaceful phase listening to music and such. I was a little bit disappointed that I did not have some kind of life-changing experience. I ended up falling asleep.
I awoke the next morning as usual and my day went on. I took some of my medication, which was Effexor, and I instantly noticed that this put me into an apathetic state. In my mind, the gears were already turning and my deeper self-was telling me I had to get off of these things. So bits and bobs of this and that happened, then I found myself in my room again with 1/8th of magic mushrooms…
I ingested the mushrooms with chocolate pudding as I did not fancy the taste of them. After about two hours they kicked in fully. I went into my brother’s bedroom to go talk to him. He was watching a movie, and for some reason I went and looked at the screen and it was the most incredible thing I had ever seen and it forced me to burst out into laughter.
Back in my room, the ‘shrooms were in full effect. I sat on my bed, listening to a live recording of the song “Puff the Magic Dragon.” When I did, I focused on the connectedness of all things. I felt connected to the artists singing the song, but also to the audience singing along with them. This caused me to cry a lot — it was the most beautiful thing ever; To feel so deeply connected and part of everything.
After that, I got out a pen and paper I had with a list of issues I had wanted to address. I had this little Aztec statue in my bedroom, and it was very weird because it’s as if it had some kind of entity attached to it that intuitively spoke to me and told me to do some kind of little ritual to bring the answers I was seeking. So I did.
I lit some candles, used a coffee can as a drum, and went deep into some kind of trance. What happened was amazing; A floodgate of information spewed out of the mystery of all things into my mind. I found the answer to my depression, it was cracked open like an egg and no longer a mystery. It came faster than I could write, a large collective of various issues: anger, sadness, hopelessness, purposelessness, chronic disappointment, trauma, thinking patterns, digestive and nutritional problems.
I was so grateful at the time, I sobbed and sobbed with such relief that the spell of darkness was shattered. I was no longer fighting a shadow. This still makes me cry tears of gratitude even now. I realized my condition was not so simple as the so-called experts had pointed it out to be. That’s the truth about so-called mental illness, it does not have one single cause.
Instantly after that, I stopped taking the neurotoxic poison I had been prescribed as “medicine.” Though this can sometimes have serious consequences, and I don’t recommend other people do it, I knew I just had to — they were part of the problem and not the solution. After I stopped taking them, the true and actual healing process has been allowed to begin. My feelings have come back. I feel human again. And it’s all thanks to the extraordinary healing power of psilocybin.
I will also add, in brief ,what happened the third and fourth time I did magic mushrooms. Basically, I realized myself as universal consciousness experiencing itself in human form. I realized we are it, the big cheese, the thing they called god it’s us. Various spiritual teachers have been trying to tell us that all along. I guess I just needed to hit that reset button and go back to the roots of what I was to remember that.
I realized how much power I have, how much power we all have. We have the power to create, the power to decide, the power to become anything we choose. We also have the immense ability to bring healing to ourselves and others. We truly are all each other my friends and we must work together to bring about a better humanity for us all.
It’s time to remember your power, your worth, your strength and your soul. I believe psychedelics are beautiful tools to help make this all happen. Time to install a new operating system in the collective consciousness of humanity don’t you think?
Stay strong beautiful friends, it’s all okay.
Edited for length and clarity.