My story with psychedelics takes us back to the summer of 2011. I had been an avid researcher, writer, photographer and a sort of observer and journalist long before I was paid to be one. I was working third shift at the time moving boxes around to pay for my college. I was getting no real value from business school and figured it wasn’t worth my time. As I slowly weaned myself off the traditional schooling path, I began to find out about alternative therapies, medicines and more. I had discovered that depression may be relieved by psilocybin. I was struggling with poor moods, depression, fatigue and a general malaise from the combination of a third-shift (and shitty) job as well as a lack of passion at the University. So, I had a friend who had access to the mushrooms get them for me. I first read on Erowid.org about the experiences and planning part of the trip for weeks, excited and nervous at the same time. We always seem to fear the unknown a little bit. I planned to take 3.5g of dried mushrooms, I can’t remember the exact species.
6PM on a Saturday rolled around and it was time for my medicine. I took half of the bag (1.75g dried), cut them up and mixed them into a big spoonful of almond butter. I put it in my mouth and washed it down with some Fiji water. The initial rush of “woah what am I about to experience” hit me like a hot flash. I knew I was in for a treat.
+10 min – Less than 10 minutes after washing them down, I noticed how interesting the background image on the water bottle was. It had a sort of majestical quality to it. I ran and jumped in one of my girlfriend’s laps and told her how happy I was that she was there for the experience.
+20 min – I wanted to go outside and see what it was like. The time was around 7pm on a summer day and the sun was beginning to set. As soon as I looked up into the sky, I realized that the sky is not just “blue” and that there are about 50 shades of blue that make up the sky! This was an incredible realization that already began to lift my depression. I always took the sky for granted.
+30 min – My German Shepherd was thirsty and I could tell, so I refilled my bottle and gave him some water. I noticed that he could focus on drinking the water and watch my friend on the side of him at the same time. This was another cool realization about the intelligence and skill of being a dog.
+1 hour – The effects of the psilocybin are getting stronger by the minute and my perception is definitely off. All that matters are the physical beings that are around me along with nature. The material items and random things scattered around the house were nonsense. I realized that good people are the most important thing to pursue and possess in life.
+2 hours – It was time to take the other half. I was reluctant but trusted my friend knew what he was talking about. I loaded up the other half onto some almond butter and crackers and had a quite difficult time getting them down. It was like my eating ability was gone! A bizarre phenomenon to say the least.
+2 hours 30 min – The second dose hit me very hard. I began to lose sense of my physical body and began to go deep inside of my head. I hugged my girlfriend (now fiance) and realized that relationships are equivalent to a campfire. As I closed my eyes, I could see our love in a physical form as a burning fire. As I told her I loved her, the fire began to spark and create larger flames. I learned that I had been a nurturing person and that our fire was burning strong. This was a huge sigh of relief.
+3 hours 30 min – I have no perception of time. Time doesn’t matter and time doesn’t make sense. It’s made up! I realized after listening to a song lyric that said “life is something that is given for free” that birth, life and death are all “free” in the sense that we do not need currency to fulfill our lives. We can grow the food we need and provide for ourselves. Modern society seemed like a massive prison of bills, debt and servitude. This was disheartening but my new sense of freedom prevailed.
+4 hours – Night time was here and it was a clear warm night. I went outside to see the stars. Immediately I realized that space IS important and the stars are not just in random positions. They make up perfect shapes and are there specifically to benefit us and give us a sense of wonder and anxiety relief. This was a huge revelation that sticks with me to this very night that I am writing this to you. The sky is now a permanent source of anti-anxiety medication.
+8 hours – Somewhere in between the 4 and 8 hour mark I go deep inside of my head and see the arrangement of my DNA and how clean water and healthy food protect and support my cells while toxins act as a sort of Pacman, eating away and killing the cells. I take a bath and am amazed at the healing quality of water with a drop of essential oil in it. I come out of the bath renewed and ready to write down some of my new thoughts. It’s now late into the morning and I can’t sleep! Why would I want to sleep at this point!?
I journal about 6 pages of thoughts that basically told me “the old Evan is over”, the depression was gone. 100% gone. I cried at how beautiful life and my girlfriend was. This was truly an epiphany, I had everything I wanted in life and had to reason to be depressed any longer. I knew that my time in college was not worthwhile and that it was time to find a new job and path. My fears and doubts were vanished and my anxiety was completely erased.
I eventually fell asleep smiling and woke up smiling with a beautiful afterglow. It was if the world’s consciousness had pressed a reset button in the middle of the night. The birds seemed happier, the trees were flowing side to side in a dancing manner. The sunrise casted a gold tint on the dew covering the lush green grass. It was time to start my new chapter in life.
Thanks for reading and I hope this helps people across the world that are suffering from debilitating mental and physical issues. There are options and answers. Don’t give up.