I want to start off by saying that I am driven to contribute whatever I can to helping psychedelics become an accepted treatment. I currently work as an IV technician for a large pharmaceutical corporation. I chose this path due to my lack of passion for anything else and due to the fact I could become licensed in a short period of time. Though I know I am helping people who need IV medication, I constantly have a feeling of disgust knowing that I am contributing to a pharmaceutical company making a ton of money off of people that don’t have a choice but to pay for it. I have worked my way up from a retail pharm tech to a position where I mix IV infusions in a clean room environment. I deeply believe that one day these skills will lead me on a path to helping psychedelics integrate with our society.
I’m a daily marijuana smoker. I have found that this is a much better option to cope with back pain, nerve pain, restless legs, and depression/anxiety. After trying many prescription medications for my issues, I have found that this is the most helpful and healthy option. It’s a little scary knowing that I could be drug tested due to my job, but I’m more concerned with living a fulfilling life. Through my personal experience with marijuana, I came to my first realization that these natural, helpful and life-changing medicines are kept classified as “dangerous” drugs for reasons other than our well being.
The next step towards realizing my passion for psychedelics was when I began taking “magic” mushrooms. I started with a small dose (just one gram) and gradually moved up to three and a half grams with each dose. My experiences have all been positive and most were in some way life-changing. The first time I tried the mushrooms, the effects weren’t overwhelming. I had a sense of happiness and love, and spent the evening wondering about life.
The next time I moved on to two grams. I would see traces of light and couldn’t stop gawking at how weird my arms and hands looked. This was when I got a feeling of detachment from my body. Though that sort of sounds scary, it actually gave me a deeper feeling of comfort. It was comforting to feel that this body was perhaps just a vessel for something so much more profound than what we know about life. I spent the last part of the evening laying in my bed, staring at a dream catcher that may or may not have been spinning, and wandering through my thoughts.
The third time was a few weeks later. This time I took a full three and a half grams. I had a hard time focusing on anything going on around me. My mind had a need to wander and I was fine with that. I always thought I would be nervous to “trip” really hard and lose all sense of reality, but it actually turned out to be the opposite. It made me think of the things in life that really matter. I thought about my soulmate, the man I’m going to marry. I had an instant sense of comfort knowing he’s here with me for the long run. I can still picture myself sitting there thinking, “No matter what happens, I will always do everything in my power to be there for him, to never take him for granted and to be his partner in life.”
I am 24 years old and have already been divorced. I made a mistake when I was younger and married someone who cared nothing about me, his own life, or making anything of it. I was miserable and finally decided that I couldn’t spend the rest of my life with an abusive alcoholic. That’s why, when I had this feeling of profound love for the man I’m with now, it was so deep and meaningful to realize what a wonderful, supportive, and understanding relationship we have. This same night also brought a lot of light to some of the things I have been struggling with.
I have always felt different and unaccepted, since I can remember. My parents were constantly trying to make me fit in with society and I struggle to this day with living a “normal working life.” In the moment, when I was on mushrooms, I realized that a lot of the resistance to other people was within myself. Even though I may look “different” and have opinions that may not fit the normal way of thinking, not everyone is looking at me with disgust. I have since been able to communicate with others better and don’t have to force politeness anymore.
I’ve eaten mushrooms a few times since then and have enjoyed the benefits each time. I once saw the band Infected Mushroom play while on mushrooms, and I flashback to that night almost daily. I was so happy and amazed that I danced for two hours straight –– and I don’t dance. I was able to step out of my little box and let the music and images fill me. It was amazing.
I will continue my journey towards truly being at peace with myself. I will keep working to find my place among others who are passionate about psychedelics. I want to travel and learn everything I can. I want to meet people who are changing the world. I hope that one day, I can make a difference myself.
I want to thank those who are putting everything on the line to bring awareness to psychedelic medicines. Everything you are doing is so important and I can’t wait to see where this can all go. Our society was meant for so much more than this and I think we are all at a point where things can’t keep going the way they are much longer.